Welp, I’m now posting this in the Blender forums. Maybe someone there has a workaround?
I read a dozen or so posts that danced around needing to “smart UV project” multiple objects/groups simultaneously, yet individually. I think there’s a way, might involve texture atlasing?
Between the SketchUp, Allegorithmic, SketchFab, AND Blender forums, there’s got to be a way to solve this problem.
I have no idea. Pray for me? Sacrifice a small child to the computer gods on my behalf? Losing my mind here.